“No Shit, There I Was…” anthology Kickstarter, now with 100% more Baker & Dovey

Some time in late autumn last year, Matt Dovey and I both (separately) stumbled across the call for stories for No Shit, There I Was: An Anthology of Improbable Tales.

Alas, both of us were convinced we had neither the time nor inspiration necessary to write a decent story in time.

Fast-forward to mid-December, and an off-hand comment about weasels, and we hit upon a plan so mad, so daring, so genius that it was a daringly, madly genius plan: we would co-write a story!

Neither of us had ever done this before, but were we going to let that stop us? NO! No we were not.

Fortunately(?) for all of you, we succeeded, churning out the 5500-odd words of “How I Became Coruscating Queen Of All The Realms, Pierced The Obsidian Night, Destroyed A Legendary Sword, And Saved My Heart’s True Love” in a paltry 6 days.

Even more fortunately(??), we had a few brave volunteers willing to critique it on short notice despite the fact that it was December 26th. Big thanks to Martin L. Shoemaker, Krystal Claxton, Seánan Forbes, Eleanor R. Wood,
and K.D. Julicher for their speedy and insightful comments!

But here, ALAS!, our tale takes a turn for the potentially portentous. And probably pompously pretentious, if we hadn’t passed that particular point previously. Ppppppp.

The Kickstarter currently still has about $3000 to go before it successfully funds, and a little under 3 weeks to do it in.

So if you’d like to read a tale of ridiculous fantasy parody by Matt and I, as well as fine examples of storytelling and splendor from dozens of other wonderful authors, go back the Kickstarter for No Shit, There I Was! (As a bonus, today’s update features our gestalt author identity‘s origin tale.)

I mean, just look at this cover:
No Shit, There I Was: An Anthology of Improbable Tales edited by Alex Acks

You know you want that cover.

Last Words of the Immortal (“Last Words” Series) + some shameless plugs

Immortality’s a funny thing.

There’s a long fictional tradition, as TV Tropes and Wikipedia make abundantly clear, of playing with the idea, inverting and subverting it. For instance, we have “complete immortality” (where you can’t be killed OR die) versus just the regular kind (where natural causes won’t off you, but injuries still can).

Tolkien’s elves, for instance, are regular immortal. So are most kinds of fictional vampire. Beasties like the Lernean Hydra dispatched by Hercules and his nephew Iolaus, on the other hand, are essentially unkillable and can only be inconvenienced to a greater or lesser degree by (e.g.) lighting them on fire, killing most of their mortal heads, and burying their immortal head under a huge boulder at the roadside because your name is Hercules and you’re an asshole like that.

Uh. Anyway.

I, too, like to play with the idea of immortality!

Last Words of the Immortal

by Stewart C Baker

Finally…!

Which I guess I kind of spoiled with that introduction but OH WELL, ONWARDS.

To some shameless plugs!

Shameless plug number one is that a story co-written by fellow Writers of the Future winner Matt Dovey and myself is in the currently-Kickstarting anthology “No Shit, There I Was.” Our tale is a glorious one of peril, fantastical hilarity, a magical sword welded by a kick-ass heroine who doesn’t take crap from anybody (except when she has to), true love, a soul-sucking evil wizard, necromantic basement weasels, and baby oil. Uh, but not necessarily in that order.

PLUS I MEAN JUST LOOK AT THIS COVER:
No Shit, There I Was: An Anthology of Improbable Tales edited by AlexAcks
IS IT NOT GLORIOUS? You know you want that on your bookshelf.

Head on over to the Kickstarter! If you order a copy, lemme know in the comments and I’ll legit write you a 5-word story on a topic of your choice, following the same rules I follow for these “Last Words” stories, and post it on my blog (if you want) for all to be jealous over.

Shameless plug number two is that you can pre-order the Writers of the Future anthology on Amazon or at your fine book retailer of choice. More details about the anthology and where to order it are available atWotF32.com. (We’re still hoping to get electronic sampler copies of the anthology, so stay tuned for that…)

Writers of the Future Volume 32 “Guess My Title!” Contest: And the winner is…

Greetings and Salutations, hoo-mans!

A month ago, I posted a little giveaway for a free copy of Writers of the Future, volume 32, with the challenge being that you had to guess which of the four first-place stories was mine.

If you happened to catch the awards ceremony on the Writers of the Future website, you already know the answer: The first-place story I wrote for the anthology was: “Images Across a Shattered Sea.”

If you happened not to catch it… I just told you the answer. Shocking!

I have consulted Ye Great Random.org and LO! The RNG hath spoken.

The winner of the giveaway is none other than… Daemon H! Daemon was one of three who did in fact correctly guess which title was mine.

I’ll be in touch with you shortly to get your mailing address, Daemon.

If you are not Daemon (we can’t all be, alas), be ye not bummed! I have heard secret murmurings that Galaxy Press may be giving us electronic sampler copies to distribute in exchange for honest reviews. More about that if and when I hear. And, of course, you can always pre-order a copy from various places, as conveniently listed on the Writers of the Future volume 32 website.

Words of Jekk, Barbarian Swordsman and Armchair Scientist, Upon Meeting Blacksmith-Turned-Professional-Fighter Melissandre Miyagi in the Arena (“Last Words” Series)

I’ll be the first to admit this one is full of in-jokes. But I’m still recovering from Writers of the Future workshop week, and that’s all I have the energy for at the moment.

Words of Jekk, Barbarian Swordsman and Armchair Scientist, Upon Meeting Blacksmith-Turned-Professional-Fighter Melissandre Miyagi in the Arena

by Stewart C Baker

Ha! Your muscles are biologically—

I’ll be announcing the winner of the signed copy of Writers of the Future volume 32 later on this week. Just need to find a spare moment to sit down with the random number generator!

Last Words of Josh Jacobs, 25th-century Retro-hipster (“Last Words” Series

I am writing this FROM THE FUTURE!

Or maybe FROM THE PAST?

From the Writers of the Future gala, anyway. Hooray for automated posts.

Last words of Josh Jacobs, 25th-century Retro-hipster, upon Attempting to Ironically Use 20th-century Last Words to Draw Attention to His Dangerous Traversal of the Mega-highwire of Mars

by Stewart C Baker

Hey y’all, watch this!

(Unlike most of these little story-things, this one has not a thing to do with someone dying–it just turns the whole concept of last words on its head!)

Words Spoken by Illusionist and Outlaw Mary-Jane García Just After the Hangman Pulled the Lever on the Gallows (“Last Words” series)

No time, alas, for clever commentary this week!

Just a grisly little tale—or a magical one, depending on your point of view. (But then, isn’t all illusion and stage magic about point of view?)

Words Spoken by Illusionist and Outlaw Mary-Jane García Just After the Hangman Pulled the Lever on the Gallows

by Stewart C Baker

Now you see me, now—

Just as a reminder, you can still win a copy of Writers of the Future, volume 32, by guessing which of the four 1st-place stories is mine. Head on over to the comments of this post to leave your guess!

I’ll be away from home at the Writers of the Future workshop until April 14th or so, but there should still be a “Last Words” post going up next Monday, since I usually set them up in advance.